We have become brilliant at performing for one another - at wearing our masks of success, beauty, genius, adventure, spontaneity. We perform in the pursuit of connection - to fit in, to belong - but ultimately at the expense of connection. We, as a society, have never felt more alone.
I worry about us. Government shutdowns, economic uncertainty, random acts of violence. Fear is in the air. Fear drives extremism. I'M RIGHT, YOU'RE WRONG. SHUT UP. Fear drives anxiety - that edge/tight chest/gnawing feeling that makes us a little less empathetic, tolerant, and kind. Fear drives polarization and social and political paralysis. No handouts! No rights for you or you! We are left grasping for certainty, for something to hold onto.
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It's perfectly human to look at someone else's life and think "must be nice." I'm certainly guilty of it. But the appeal is an illusion; it lies in the fact that we haven't been lugging around his or her baggage for our whole lives - the hard days, the heartbreaks, the losses. We come to the world with one experience, our story, and it's a mixed bag. Well, so is everyone else's.
However, when we perform for others, we suffer silently. They suffer silently. We, as a society, forget that certain rules apply to us all:
- Suffering is a shared human experience. We are not alone in our pain. We are not defined by our pain. It is an inescapable part of life.
- Uncertainty produces fear and anxiety. We live in an inherently uncertain world. Sometimes we will feel afraid. Sometimes we will feel anxious. That is OK.
- Rejection hurts. Because...
- We are hardwired for connection. We are not made to go it alone. Your community/relationships may look different than mine, but love and belonging are fundamental human needs.
- Love heals. Not just romantic love. Self love. The love of family, friends, colleagues, peers.
In times of great uncertainty, we have each other. We need each other. It's positive sum.