Oprah hosted Anne Lamott on a recent episode of Super Soul Sunday, and their conversation was rich with insight. One concept, in particular, really resonated with me - this idea of the inside job. As Anne Lamott spoke of her upbringing, she told a familiar story:
I had been raised to believe that what I was seeking was out there. That I could buy it, achieve it, lease it, date it, "bring it home." And I didn't know that it was going to be an inside job. And I didn't have a little tool box to know how to find it on the inside. I only knew to do better and better and better.
We're often encouraged to seek ease in our purchases, accomplishments, and relationships ("the one"), but such experiences of ease are fleeting. Our angst has a way of catching up with us, and it's not long before the discomfort and emptiness settle back in. Then we find ourselves jumping through the next hoop, thinking that hoop will be the answer. Tara Brach, author of Radical Self Acceptance, spoke of the Dalai Lama's astonishment at the degree to which Westerners loathe themselves. However, given Anne's familiar story, the epidemic makes sense: "better and better and better" is a set-up for exhaustion; it's a set-up for perfectionism and self-hate.
But there's another path...
The inside job is, as Carl Jung would say, our "journey to wholeness." It is our acceptance of our imperfection and the imperfection of all beings. It requires us to examine those parts of ourselves that we've internalized as deficiencies and have therefore hidden from the world. It requires us to observe the strategies we use to escape discomfort - by fleeing, fighting, and/or conforming. It is our belief in our basic goodness and the basic goodness of all beings. The inside job is not just a focus on self - it's a focus on community; its benefits extend to all members of our community when we practice self-compassion and self-love. The inside job is messy and slow and frightening, but it's equally liberating and gracious and joy-producing.
If you're interested in this concept, here are some great reads:
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
- Living Beautifully With Uncertainty & Change by Pema Chodron
- Unconditional Confidence by Pema Chodron (audio retreat/book available via iTunes)
- Self Compassion by Kristin Neff
- Radical Self Acceptance by Tara Brach
Shoot me a note if you want more resources...I have plenty! :)