The concept of the dream came up in a recent post on worthiness & partnership, so let me elaborate. Author don Miguel Ruiz uses the dream to describe a belief system that assigns meaning to life experiences and informs opinions of the self and others. Think about it as the famous glass half empty vs. glass half full debate in practice: the dream is a series of stories that we tell ourselves about the world - the lens through which we experience life. It is also the birthplace of our projections, which color our interactions with others. Thus the success or failure of interpersonal relations rests on the compatibility of dreams. Did you get all up in my insecurities/stuff? Did you challenge something that I am certain of? Do we experience the world in a similar or at least complementary way? It is no surprise that interpersonal dynamics can get so messy! So, why is this relevant?
The dream is a tool that we can use to re-frame criticism, negative feedback, and cruelty. By recognizing the role of the dream in human behavior, we can hold onto our self worth/dignity/intention in the face of personal attacks or in encounters with naysayers. That is someone else's stuff! It's certainly not easy - even if we have an intellectual appreciation of what is going down. We're human, and we respond to hurtful or discouraging words. But acknowledging the dream may help us muster the courage to get back on that horse.
Consider Tara Mohr's approach to feedback:
Feedback does not tell you about you. It tells you about the person giving the feedback. We seek out feedback not because it tells us about our own value or merit, but because it tells us whether we are reaching the people we need to reach in the way we want to. Feedback is emotionally neutral information that tell us what sings to our audience, what resonates for them, what communicates clearly, what engages the people we want to engage.
OR James Baldwin's thoughts on discrimination/hate:
I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.
These are excellent examples of the dream at work. We can only hold ourselves responsible for our words and our actions - not the words or actions of others. AND by bringing awareness to our own dream, we can learn about our limiting beliefs, so we don't pass them on.