Do you remember the Sims computer game? I was a Sims champion! Admittedly, it wasn't that impressive of a feat - you just needed to employ this winning strategy: rock your job, erect your McMansion, start a family, and buy things. It was all about fast-paced accumulation, and it was pretty thrilling for the first six hours of play. However, around hour seven, a full body numbness would set in - an excruciating boredom.Perhaps this was the law of diminishing returns in action? But I would carry on: accumulation, accumulation, accumulation. Stepping back, I realized that my Sims strategy summed up my old approach to life: satisfying the proverbial checklist to show the world how awesome I was. Checking off each item wouldn't feel as fulfilling as I had imagined, but no time for sulking! Onto the next one...
Recently I've adopted a new approach: there's nothing to prove. In my own experience, the desire to prove something has been a recipe for unnecessary suffering. After all, we have to ask ourselves what and to who are we trying to prove? This frame has allowed me to get very clear on my motivations: is this goal aligned with my values, or am I simply trying to show myself/someone else/the world that I can do this? If something is only motivated by the latter, time to reassess.
I was excited to share my new mantra with peers and surprised to hear that some of them found it impractical or downright depressing. If there is nothing to prove, then who/what holds us accountable for our actions? If there is nothing to prove, then what is the point? These are fair questions. My response stems from a belief in basic goodness: we have an internal accountability system, and we are motivated by love and belonging. We can become incredibly destructive and distracted when we get caught up in proving ourselves, but the heart and intuition can lead us home.
Bottom line: I'm over demonstrating to myself or anyone else that I deserve to be here. Enough is enough. I am enough. There's nothing to prove. Join me?