Viktor Frankl is one of my heroes. A world renowned Austrian academic, Frankl popularized logotherapy, a psychotherapeutic intervention that is based on the belief that meaning is the most powerful motivator for human beings - an intervention that was inspired by his experience as a Holocaust survivor. Frankl authored the brilliant book Man's Search for Meaning and is widely cited for this quotation (one of my personal favorites!), among others:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I've been experiencing a lot of change recently, and change is typically accompanied by a host of triggers - also known as stimuli. In an effort to cope graciously, I've been thinking a lot about the space Frankl refers to. The moment when your body - or, really, your being - is conquered by emotion, the rage/hurt/annoyance finding its way to the very tips of your limbs. The moment when the cheap response tempts you, promising victory upon the delivery of a clever (and most likely hurtful) I'll-show-you. Yes, we've all been there.
So, what do we do when we arrive at that space? What do we do when we get all fired up?
Well, I think Danielle LaPorte put it best when she posed this question: do you want to be right, or do you want to be free? Often you can't be both.
Being right is certainly attractive. As social animals, we are wired for belonging, so being right seems to be a logical means to that end. However, being right involves controlling others' perceptions of our actions; it's about being right in the eyes of others. This is something over which we have NO control, and striving to prove something - to be "right" - typically leaves us feeling unhappy and unaligned.
Recently, I have been opting for freedom and have found the following 30 second intervention to be helpful:
- Label the space. This could entail a quiet acknowledgement of the space or saying it out loud (assuming you're alone).
- Take a few deep breaths. (Breathing is an incredibly underrated practice!) Feel your body/nervous system start to calm down.
- Ask yourself: right or free? You've reached a decision point. Time to make a call.
On good days, I use this intervention successfully, but sometimes I just can't help myself. And that's okay. This is a practice, like everything else.